Once again, Bono's got it just right:
The heart is a bloom
Shoots up through the stony ground
There's no room
No space to rent in this town
You're out of luck
And the reason that you had to care
The traffic is stuck
And you're not moving anywhere
You thought you'd found a friend
To take you out of this place
Someone you could lend a hand
In return for grace
...
This incredible loneliness just hit me as I was driving back from helping out at The Week. In my little car, driving through the mountins, listening to "Bittersweet Symphony", I realized all I was leaving behind. Though imperfect, there was such a strong community there, one that realized there is a life for us above money and stuff and education. There was such a strong faith in God, such a drive to live fully, that was embodied in jumping off cliffs and running around in the dark and worshipping with abandon. One moment I want to remember is when I was looking for something to do, and asked Chris, and he just looked up at me with his burning blue eyes and said simply: "Hang out. Worship." There was something happening in the calmness, in the space between all the work and driving. This cliff jumping, this community, is what life is about, and I wasn't there. Not quite. It's just not really me. But still, I had a place.
But in the traffic, in the struggling up hills alone with my old stick shift car at 45 mph, I felt alone. And I had finally begun to care. I finally got it. I didn't want to go back to the smallness of where I lived, where I worked to earn money for clothes and home decorations and waited for the summer to be over. The world was so much bigger than that. I needed to move.. but with people, not by my self, and that time of traveling with others is over. I will no longer be surrounded by these people. I will find new community, community centered around God even, but it will not be the same. And ultimately, from this point on, I will be traveling alone.
