It's amazing how slowly time passes when riding a bike.
The Latin verb "spiro" means to breathe. Maybe being inSPIRed is just as central to life as breathing, or in fact breathes soemthing new into life.
Why is it that the more I have to do, the harder it is to do it?
In society, everyone values someone who's sarcastic and always has something funny or witty to say, and if you're not naturally funny, you're thought to have little personality.
C.S. Lewis once said, "Nothing that you have not given away will ever be really yours."
Wednesday, September 28, 2011
Sunday, September 25, 2011
Not a Stranger
I wouldn't say I'm idealistic. I wouldn't even call myself an optimist. However, I have always been secure in my conviction that life has meaning and coherency. While there are aspects of existence that humans can never expect to understand, there is so much beauty in the world that I find it impossible to believe it came about by chance. For this reason, when I read Albert Camus' decidedly nihilistic The Stranger the second semester of my junior year, I was disturbed and unsettled: the novel essentially culminates in the protagonist's realization that life is meaningless. About to be executed, he thinks: "As if that blind rage had washed me clean, rid me of hope; for the first time, in that night alive with signs and stars, I opened myself to the gentle indifference of the world. Finding it so much like myself -- so like a brother, really -- I felt that I had been happy and that I was happy again" (122-123).
The protagonist Meursault's contentment in the supposed purposelessness of the universe contrasted sharply with everything I'd been taught or believed. How could anyone be happy in the absence of hope and meaning? In my opinion, one cannot just give up faith and live a live centered around the idea that the world is indifferent. Without hope or meaning, life would mean nothing, and who would want to live that kind of life? A life without seeing the value in the small things; beauty and nature, love and friendship, success and failure, excitement and tranquility, patterns, colors, joy, and disappointment; would be worthless.
This book of faithlessness did not weaken my faith. Although I can't say Camus was wrong, that his exploration of the unanswerable question "Does life have meaning?" was entirely invalid, I make the deliberate choice to believe. Where before I had simply assumed that I was alive for a reason, that I was destined for more than an empty life made meaningless by death, I began to look at my existence in a different light. Yes, it's impossible to know beyond doubt that there is a God who cares, a higher power who crafted the universe and still knows my name, but if I have to make the choice between a faith I can't be sure of or a life without faith, I choose faith.
Thursday, September 22, 2011
"No Restrictions"
Why is it that our society is so obsessed with independence? Kids my age- who are making decisions about college- are encouraged to follow their hearts, do what's best for only theirselves, and not let any other factors get in the way.
Is this representative of real life? Does it make sense to be encouraged to not let anything restrict you, with a result of being in limbo after college because you don't have anything to tie you down? Isn't the whole point of education and college to prepare you for life, not for some dream world where the best thing to do is always whatever suits you best?
When I tell anyone, even my parents, that I want to go to college near my boyfriend, I'm reprimanded. I shouldn't let any other factors get in the way of my decision. From society's point of view, it's almost unacceptable to be in a commited relationship at the age of 17. Early adulthood is about "finding" yourself, which you can't do if you're tied down.
David Brooks, a New York Times journalist, said that "life isn't about finding yourself, it's about losing yourself." This statement, which is so controversial to popular belief, really rings true for me. If you focus only on yourself, cutting off all "restrictions", you don't really get anywhere. However, if you let go of this self-centeredness and put yourself into caring for others, you might just (as C.S. Lewis might say) get "finding" yourself thrown in.
Is this representative of real life? Does it make sense to be encouraged to not let anything restrict you, with a result of being in limbo after college because you don't have anything to tie you down? Isn't the whole point of education and college to prepare you for life, not for some dream world where the best thing to do is always whatever suits you best?
When I tell anyone, even my parents, that I want to go to college near my boyfriend, I'm reprimanded. I shouldn't let any other factors get in the way of my decision. From society's point of view, it's almost unacceptable to be in a commited relationship at the age of 17. Early adulthood is about "finding" yourself, which you can't do if you're tied down.
David Brooks, a New York Times journalist, said that "life isn't about finding yourself, it's about losing yourself." This statement, which is so controversial to popular belief, really rings true for me. If you focus only on yourself, cutting off all "restrictions", you don't really get anywhere. However, if you let go of this self-centeredness and put yourself into caring for others, you might just (as C.S. Lewis might say) get "finding" yourself thrown in.
Tuesday, May 31, 2011
A Life of Love
It's amazing the way God puts people into your life for a reason.
At the beginning of this school year (after reading the book 'Do Hard Things') I decided to sign up for multiple volunteer activities, both involving working individually with children. The first, primarily made up of volunteers old enough to have grandkids, paired me up with a 2nd grade Hispanic girl who at first seemed shy and sweet but has frustrated me a huge amount. Right now, I'm having trouble thinking about her without crying. It's funny how people begin volunteering for these things, I myself don't even know why- maybe to feel like you're making a difference? when what really happens is that you're impacted even more than they are. There was a point when I considered not continuing the program next year because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, that Karina (the girl I work with) couldn't care less about me, that I had no idea what to do (completely true).
But what happens is that once you give up, once you're sure you can't do it on your own, God comes in and does more incredible things than you could ever imagine. Giving up is a hard thing to do. It involves laying down your pride and admitting to yourself, which is maybe the hardest part, that you're not meant to do things on your own. The amazing thing is that God knows Karina so intimately, that he created her stubborn, defiant, secretly goofy personality and her hair that she dyed partially purple and her love for pink. And he knows me just as intimately, and decided, "Hey, what would happen if I put Emily and Karina into each others lives?" and has something great planned for both of us that I still have no clue about.
And then there's Wiley. My friend paired me with him for the Reading Pals program at the library, saying that he was sweet, mildly autistic, and in 3rd grade- older than most children in the program. In fact, while other teenagers sat with their adorable little buddies who sat quietly and read along with them, I'm in the other room with Wiley leaning up against me, reading quickly and making it hard for me to understand what he's saying, let alone try to help him read. But then when his mom asked me to babysit, saying that he had become endeared to me, I was honored, and one day when he wanted to leave early because he was frustrated with reading and with me, I felt miserable. It's funny how you don't realize how much you care about people until they leave.
As a result of these experiences, I'm considering being a speech therapist for children in elementary schools after college- because once I gave up my need for security and control and let God take over, I learned a lot about myself and the roles that he has for me. Isn't it amazing to think how through each person in your life, even if they annoy you or stress you out to the point of giving up, God has great things in store? Because every person, including the homeless man you see on the street or the old overweight woman or the twelve year old girl in the miniskirt, God knows equally and intimately- he knows every thought in their mind; their favorite color, their future college major, their greatest fear. So our job is to "be imitators of God" and "live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us." (Ephesians 5:2)
At the beginning of this school year (after reading the book 'Do Hard Things') I decided to sign up for multiple volunteer activities, both involving working individually with children. The first, primarily made up of volunteers old enough to have grandkids, paired me up with a 2nd grade Hispanic girl who at first seemed shy and sweet but has frustrated me a huge amount. Right now, I'm having trouble thinking about her without crying. It's funny how people begin volunteering for these things, I myself don't even know why- maybe to feel like you're making a difference? when what really happens is that you're impacted even more than they are. There was a point when I considered not continuing the program next year because I felt like I wasn't making a difference, that Karina (the girl I work with) couldn't care less about me, that I had no idea what to do (completely true).
But what happens is that once you give up, once you're sure you can't do it on your own, God comes in and does more incredible things than you could ever imagine. Giving up is a hard thing to do. It involves laying down your pride and admitting to yourself, which is maybe the hardest part, that you're not meant to do things on your own. The amazing thing is that God knows Karina so intimately, that he created her stubborn, defiant, secretly goofy personality and her hair that she dyed partially purple and her love for pink. And he knows me just as intimately, and decided, "Hey, what would happen if I put Emily and Karina into each others lives?" and has something great planned for both of us that I still have no clue about.
And then there's Wiley. My friend paired me with him for the Reading Pals program at the library, saying that he was sweet, mildly autistic, and in 3rd grade- older than most children in the program. In fact, while other teenagers sat with their adorable little buddies who sat quietly and read along with them, I'm in the other room with Wiley leaning up against me, reading quickly and making it hard for me to understand what he's saying, let alone try to help him read. But then when his mom asked me to babysit, saying that he had become endeared to me, I was honored, and one day when he wanted to leave early because he was frustrated with reading and with me, I felt miserable. It's funny how you don't realize how much you care about people until they leave.
As a result of these experiences, I'm considering being a speech therapist for children in elementary schools after college- because once I gave up my need for security and control and let God take over, I learned a lot about myself and the roles that he has for me. Isn't it amazing to think how through each person in your life, even if they annoy you or stress you out to the point of giving up, God has great things in store? Because every person, including the homeless man you see on the street or the old overweight woman or the twelve year old girl in the miniskirt, God knows equally and intimately- he knows every thought in their mind; their favorite color, their future college major, their greatest fear. So our job is to "be imitators of God" and "live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us." (Ephesians 5:2)
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Thought of the Day
Sometimes life is so beautiful you just need to share it with someone else. If there is someone who comes to mind in every moment of beauty, THAT is love.
Friday, March 4, 2011
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Transformations
I realized today that all my favorite TV shows- basically "What Not to Wear" and anything on HGTV- have a lot in common. In each of these shows, a really big transformation takes place. In "What Not to Wear", my favorite part is when the woman gets her hair and makeup done, and she looks amazing despite how bad she looked before she was on the show. But in fact, if she had looked fine before, the show wouldn't be so addicting. And the shows that I like on HGTV are all room transformations: a really skilled designer takes a room lacking in style and throughout the episode, it becomes better and better until voila! it's all put together and even though we saw part of the process, it's such a great surprise. So "What Not to Wear" and an HGTV room design show actually have almost the same structure: something that doesn't look that great is taken, through a long and difficult process, to a stunning level that was impossible to anticipate.
What is it about transformations that is so addicting? Change is one thing, but transformation is a woman who looks almost completely different, or a room become unrecognizable. I think people are both drawn to and afraid of transformations. We don't want to lose who we are, and it's so hard to imagine what this kind of change could result in that we tend to stop somewhere in the middle. Watching transformations can be fun and exciting. And while we want the excitement that would come from such a change, we're afraid of giving up control because that's what a transformation is: in order for it to really work, we need to lose ourselves a little bit because we have no idea how spectacular the big picture really is.
What is it about transformations that is so addicting? Change is one thing, but transformation is a woman who looks almost completely different, or a room become unrecognizable. I think people are both drawn to and afraid of transformations. We don't want to lose who we are, and it's so hard to imagine what this kind of change could result in that we tend to stop somewhere in the middle. Watching transformations can be fun and exciting. And while we want the excitement that would come from such a change, we're afraid of giving up control because that's what a transformation is: in order for it to really work, we need to lose ourselves a little bit because we have no idea how spectacular the big picture really is.
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